To you Mother. My dearest friend.

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

Mothers Day

to each and every

mother

grandmother

future mother

and sister

(yes Sister! because more often than not i feel like my siblings mother)

I am so VERY lucky to have

the dearest and kindest

Mother IN THE WORLD!

As I'm sure all mothers may attest

raising children is anything but an easy task.

And to raise 12

is something not many could do.

Words can not even begin to express what she means to me....

and i don't know what i would ever do without her.

As a little girl i never fully recognized the

AMAZING woman that she is...

and out of all her dozen

I know i have been the hardest to raise....

BUT

never once has she complained!

and if you know my mother

you know its true!

she never fails to see the good in people

and you will NEVER hear a rude comment from her mouth.

I know that no other woman on the face of this planet

could have handled

ME.

and probably wouldn't want to

But for some odd reason she agreed to put up with me :)

and i am forever grateful to her

for the Mother she has been, and continues to be to me.

Yes.

She is my mother.

But mother to me

means more than the woman who brought me into this world.

for me

Mother means......

monster exterminator.

ghost buster.

prom dress finder.

late night talks

about nothing really in particular.

mathematician.

scientist.

chef.

english professor.

singer.

song writer.

taxi driver.

coach.

costume designer.

seamstress.

consultant

(on anything and EVERYTHING)

nurse.

doctor.

dancer.

cheerleader.

and the list could very well go on

FOREVER.

but mostly to Me

she is

my best friend.

No one in the world knows me like my mother.

Knows when i am hiding my tears.

Knows when I need to talk

and when i won't.

Knows my deepest and darkest fears

and how to make them all go away.

Knows where I have been and what I've been doing

without me even saying a word....

She laughs when I do.

Smiles when I smile :)

hurts when I am in pain

sheds tears over my sorrows

and Holds me close when I feel the world is crashing down.

Never in my life will I ever love someone more than I love my mother!

i live to see the joy in her smile

the light in her eyes

and the hope in her heart.

And I will forever be grateful to her for the life she has given me.

and the love she has shown....

Thank You Mom

for being the most wonderful mother

a little girl could ask for.

I only hope and pray

that someday I may come somewhat close to being

the mother that you have been to me.

I don't know what I will do without you when I leave home

But i do know that it will never be the same....

Thank you for loving me without fail

and never giving less than your whole heart.

You are my hero and always will be!

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!

Happy Mothers Day!

xoxo

SpRiNg. SpRiNg. SpRiNg!

Spring.

how i
LOVE
Spring!

I love...........


the colors :)
~

the flowers
~

the dresses
~

the warmth
...........

But even more so
Spring to me,
is a time of remembrance.
a time of reflection.
a time of love.

Love for a kind and ever so loving Savior, Jesus Christ
who walked along an ever so lonely path,
only so I would NEVER have to be alone.

Spring time for me
is almost like a new beginning.
A time to start over....
a time to ask myself what really matters.


Life is short.
Never do we know what tomorrow may bring.
Never do we know what a simple smile,
or bright hello
may mean to another!

So.....
Happy SPRING!

Don't forget to smile :)

much love,
selu
xoxo

GoodBye. my teenage self.

So.....
in approximately 24 hours i will no longer be a teenager.

And over the past few months i've thought about it
ALOT.

one day
i even
CRIED.

yes i know
pretty PaThETiC

But really who wants to get old and wrinkly!?
NOT ME!

BUTTTTT.......
the more i thought about it
the more Grateful i became.
the more,
hopeful.
excited.
and even anxious
for what the future may bring.

I do not know where I will be 20 years from now.
I do not know what i will look like
act like
or if i will even still be here.

But i do have hopes :)

Hopes that I can someday find my true love
my best friend
and
marry him FOR EVER and EVER.

Become a mother
and LOVE my children like i too have been loved.

Build a home
a sanctuary
for others to come to
when looking for a place of solace and strength

See the World
and the beautiful wonders God has blessed us with.

Serve the Lord with all that I have
and LOVE him with all my heart!

The last 20 years have been more than I ever imagined
loss.
heartache.
struggle.
questions.
answers.
love.
strength.
hope.
and power.
Each have found me,
and although I still have questions about
MANY
many
things
I do know this.....

as hard as i may try
20 more years will come
I will get old an wrinkly :(
times of hardship and trial will most likely come again.

BUT
I will FOREVER know the things i know now.

Christ
is
MY best friend!
He has found me at my lowest points
and carried me to where I now can stand.
He will never leave me.

FAMILY
has been and forever will be HERE.
at my side
all along the way.

and lastly
even if i do last 20 more years....
They will be WONDERFUL :)

and i will dance
and smile
All along the way!


so
in other words
BRING ON the next 20 years!

(just hold off on the wrinkles for now)

i LOVE you.

my dearest Grandpa Jack.

if she were here today.......

she would smile :)

and laugh.

She'd say "Happy Birthday my Jack-y Boy!
Your sure getting old.
Oh YUCK, that makes me even older!"

She'd want to make you dinner
maybe her special Spaghetti sauce
would join you for the occasion.

She may burn it just a little,
and the noodles may have been just a bit too soggy.

But no matter.

You would have eaten it all
and told her how wonderful it was.

She'd give you a special birthday card
that she picked out just for you.

She'd tell you silly stories about
the little boy you used to be....

Then you probably would have played a game
dominoes, or rummy cube, or maybe even cards.

If you beat her
she would have thought you cheated ;)
but she would laugh and smile too!

She would wish you happy birthday
and squeeze you oh so tight!

And tell you how she loved her son
and how he'd made her happy.

But today....

I know she's smiling down on you :)
and so is Grandpa too.

Their sending you the BEST Birthday wishes
you've ever had before!

They miss you, and they love you
your the best son they could have ever had.....

~


oh Grandpa
how i LOVE you so!
and how I wish that i were there with you

Today.

To wish you all the best of wishes,
to sing to you and smile :)

To give you a BaZillion kisses,
and A trillion great big hugs

To eat your birthday cake with you.
and don't forget the Breyers!

I would let you do my hair
since you are the very best at that :)

I'd take an evening walk with you
and even hold your hand.

Just like I did when I was little,
how I thought you were SO GrAnD!

Now your 66 and so many years have passed
but with each and every year
I have many memories to last.....

You've shown me many things dear Grandpa
so many, many times.

You've given me the strength and strife to rise above life's trials.

You given me my mother dear
and my sweetest Auntie Kerstin.

You've loved my dear sweet grandmother
with every waking hour.

You've given me a loving home
to come to anytime.

You've given me a straight stone path
in which I hope to follow.

And shown me how to live each day
with a never ending sMiLe :)

Grandpa,
I could go on for years and years
about how GRAND you are.

But Grandpa most of all I'd like for you to know,
you've given
Me
the GreaTest gift of all.....

You've given me
your
LOVE.

You've loved ME
with all your heart and soul and never held it back.

I've felt it in your strong and steady arms,
in your warm and cozy hugs.

I saw it in your very eyes
as you buried your sweet mother.

I've known it since I was a little, tiny girl....
and never has it ceased.

And so Dear Grandpa
i just want you to know

I
LOVE
YOU!
and i ALWAYS will :)

Happy Happy Birthday Grandpa!

May there be many many more.

xoxo
Selu

Oh the joy....

This morning I was
here...


but I found a place far from here....
somewhere that I have been missing for quite some time.

The peace and love I feel at the temple
is something I treasure with all my heart.

As I enter those doors
my every day cares and wants seem to vanish
and the love from my Father in Heaven
fills my heart once more....
After my visits here
I am
refreshed
strengthened
and anchored
in the arms of a loving savior
whom is ALWAYS there...
sometimes i just,
forget.

i SO looked forward to the day
I can enter those doors with family and friends...
to be sealed to that "man of my dreams"
for
Time and All Eternity!

* don't worry I still have much to do before I find him!
but if you see him, send him my way! ;)*

On the days that seem so hard, and endless, and frustrating
these thoughts keep me going and they forever will....

I LOVE to see the temple
I'm going there SOMEDAY!

Loves & Hugs
xoxo,
Selu

Bitter Sweetness.....

Do you ever have those moments
when you want to laugh, smile, jump up and down, cry, or just plain forget all together???
well i had one today....
just a few minutes ago actually.

My Dad brought home a few beds from her house...
and with these beds were the sheets, pillows, bedding, and all.

I held one of the pillows up to my face and soaked in THAT smell.
It was her smell.
It belonged to her.
It always did.
and i LOVED it......

i wanted to grab it!
to catch it in my hands and pull it all around me.
I wished it would stay forever and never leave my face....
but as i pulled it away, i knew it would

So many feelings washed over me.
Memories flooded my mind
both happy and sad

I miss her.

Everything about her.
I miss visiting her home.
It was the only place I have been able to go since as far back as I can remember
her home has been a part of my childhood...
somewhere so filled with memories
it would burst if it were a balloon.

But although her scent will fade from that pillow over time
her love filled memories will forever be vivid in my mind........

Her Spaghetti sauce that worsened over the years.
(but i still loved, because it was hers)

Her Hugs that sent tingles of warmth up my spine each and every time we embraced.

Her smile which could light up a room no matter how dark it was.

Her marble, domino, checker, and many card games that filled out nights together with laughter and love....

And even more so never will I forget the lives she has brought to pass

Her Son.
My dear Grandpa Jack.
Who has blessed my life in more ways than I could ever count.
He married the most beautiful woman in the world my Angel Grandma So-So,
and brought my sweet and most wonderfully amazing mother into this world.

How I will forever be grateful to her
and NEVER will i forget her.

And someday.............
I will see her again!

But until then
this smell on her pillow
is something
Bitter.
yet Sweet.

and if I had ONE wish,
I'd wish for it
to stay
FOREVER!

Don't You Ever Wonder?....

Don't you ever wonder
why stars come out at night?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
why little kids are SO DARN cute?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
where your "Special Someone" is?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
why Winter seems so long, and Summer seems so short?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
what color you would be if you were a Crayon?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
what your life will be like ten years from now?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
if you will be a cute little grandma, who smiles and waves at every passerby?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
why snow is white? instead of blue or pink or purple?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
why you are so very blessed?
i do.

Don't you ever wonder
if God laughs when you trip in public then look around to make sure no one saw you?
i do.
(i'm Pretty Darn Sure he does)

Don't you ever WONDER???
well, i do.

HIP HIP HOORAY!

Well my dear friends............
I am going to be an AUNTIE!
YES i know you are all so very jealous :)
i would be too if i were you.
My dearest friend in the world
and
my older sister
Jacqueline
is GOING TO HAVE A BABY!
i am so very excited i can hardly contain it!!!!!
(not that you can tell or anything)
This dear little baby
what ever it may be.
WiLL Be the most spoiled baby in the entire world!
i will see to it personally ;)
i mean honestly,
how many kids are born into this world with 16 aunts and uncles?!?!?
SIXTEEN!
and not including great aunts and uncles
just plain aunts and uncles!
not to mention this little baby will most likely come out of the womb
at 4 feet 9 inches
haha ok maybe not that big
but PRETTY DARN close.
I am so very happily overjoyed for my dear sister and her husband Benjamin!
They both have loved me more than words can say
and I look forward to the day that their little bundle of joy arrives!

so....
CONGRATULATIONS
to ME!
OH, and of course to my Dearest Sister Jacqueline :)
you will be the sweetest mother in the world to this baby!
and don't forget that if its a girl
Selu
is always a good name.

xoxo
~
Selu Marie Fotu

i am so HoRRiBle at updating.
i do promise i will get better though!

So much seems to happen in such a little amount of time...
It's crazy how sometimes you think life can't get much worse, and then it does.
But even more crazy how happy you are one moment and you don't think it can get any better,
And then IT DOES!
in short God is Great and i never cease to feel his LOVE.

my last post was "supposed" to lead to this one, and i guess it still will...
im just a wittle
WATE. ;)

Over the last few months life has seemed to take dramatic changes.
Changes
for
the better.

The last two years....

well lets just say they were very much a learning experience for me.

While in High School i had so many things i wanted to do
i was commited to play golf for BYU
but deep down in my heart i knew it wasn't what i truly wanted...

Ever since i was a little girl i dreamed of becoming a professional golfer.
i never enjoyed school.
my High School joy was simply having wonderful friends
and playing golf EVERYDAY.
Half way through my senior year I (me, myself, and I) no one else
decided that i didn't want to go to college.
I was going to fulfill my life long dream of becoming a professional golfer!
School became nothing more than
well NOTHING to be quite honest.
Now some may say my parents should have MADE me go to school
But if you know me and you know my parents...
that's just not how our relationship has ever been
They asked me to pray and seek my Heavenly Fathers help,
i did.
But i think he knew my mind was already set...
NO MORE SCHOOL FOR ME!
(i know, looking back now i laugh and can see how silly i was)

but NEVER once did my parents ever tell me
you couldn't
you shouldn't
you won't
or you can't
They have always been right beside me every step of the way
carrying me at times when i could no longer stand
down a path that seemed to lead nowhere.

Graduation came and I BARELY,
and when i mean barely
i mean we didn't even know if i was walking on the very morning of Graduation
BUT
i did it and i truly thought it was the end of my education FOREVER!
(HA little did i know... God had something else in mind)

That summer after High School
memories were made
friendships strengthened
and then goodbyes were given.

Each of my friends went off to conquer the world
and I was off to become a LPGA tour professional!
or so i thought....

To make a long story short
I can honestly say now, that it simply wasn't the RIGHT time.
Growing up i was always told that we have a time table for things
and God has a time table for things
He.
ALWAYS.
WINS.

end of story.

So.....
over the last two years I have been everywhere it seems.

After graduation I spent the first few months golfing everyday
trying my best to reach what i thought was what i was supposed to be doing.
For a little while things went well
I got closer and closer to my goal and loved the thought of it.
But each and every time I went to the BIG tournament it was as if
i blanked.
i would forget how to play golf in its entirety
and At the time I didn't want to tell myself this

but i knew this was not where i was supposed to be ...
it wasn't My time yet.
BUT
i kept pushing.
And honestly after a while
i lost.
i lost the love of the game.
i lost my heart to something i knew wasnt right.
and in the end
i lost
MYSELF.

Just after this time my parents made huge transitions in their life long business that changed
our families lifestyle dramatically.

I knew HOME was where i needed to be

and that is where i have learned more than i ever have in my entire life.

I learned that;
money isn't everything.

that
family will ALWAYS be there.

that
God knows what's best.
and always will.

that
you are NEVER alone.

that
a child's smile is sometimes all you need to get you through the day.

that
you don't simply lead through words
but by example.

that
prayers are answered.
in Gods way.

that
a mothers love never ceases amid trial and tribulation.
it only increases.
immensely.

that
the heart and love of a family can be found through adversity and struggle.

that
never is there enough time....

and that
there is ALWAYS sunshine after the storm.

I learned things from my family that will always and forever remain in my heart...
they taught me how to love myself and love all those around me

I saw love given
even when it wasn't at all deserved.

I saw sacrifices made,
that many others seemed to over look.

I saw a family come together
in Christ
in Heavenly Father
and in their love for us.

I never would have imagined myself living at home for as long as i have....
I never would have guessed that i would be a second Mom to each of my siblings....
I never would have seen that Garrett and i would become best of friends....
I never would have thought that i would pretty much plan a wedding for my sister....
I never thought that I would watch my parents sacrifice what they have for our family....
I never would have guess that the birth of a new child could bring such joy to a family....
And never would i have imagined that
ME.
I.
Selu Marie Fotu
would be SO LUCKY
so unbelievably, inconceivably LUCKY to watch each person in my family
become what they are today.

and although I may have lost time.
in the end
i
Found
myself.

They say that once we find ourselves
we find what God wants for us...
well i learned that for myself this last month.

My parents business is on its way back to what it once was
and as it heads that way
I have found myself wondering what's next?
where am i to go now?
But as the Lord has always brought me to the next stop on my path,
he has once again shown his grace and love to me in a way i never imagined.

Over Christmas break i stumbled across a
Junior College in Oklahoma
called Redlands Comunnity College
they have won numerous National Championships in the last few years and
SoMeThInG urged me to send their Coach my information
what the heck i thought?
i have nothing to lose.
So i filled out their golf application and sent him an email
wanting to know more about their program.
Within days he called and wanted me to come visit.
So....
The last weekend of January I flew out there to visit the campus.
AND
to say the least i fell in love with this little town of El Reno, Oklahoma :)
i love the school
the team
the coach
and everything about this place.
Even more so i felt my Heavenly Father presence all through out my stay there.
I felt it as i watched each girl on the team talk about their experience at this school.
I felt it as I called my mom the first night i was there.
and i felt him as i knelt to pray each and every night.

I know he works in mysterious ways,
but for me it was just what i needed.
~
I signed my Official Letter of Intent on the 4th of this month
and i will
be heading out there towards the end of July.
I guess in short
i feel my Heavenly Father guiding me all through this crazy little life of mine.
He knows what i need.
where i will go.
and what will happen all along the way

What took me some time to realize
was that
its simply my choice whether or not i will be submissive
and follow him with all my heart.

I do believe with everything inside me
that he LOVES me
and he surely loves YOU.

just find yourself
and by doing so, you will find Him!

much LoVe, Selu

change. happens. FAST.

CHANGE
what is that word???
sometimes i feel like i have no explanation for it.
or maybe its just that there are
SO MANY
different ways to explain it...
so....
i looked it up :)
and......................................
JUST AS I THOUGHT!
what an interCHANGEable word it is.

change

1.	to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.

For ME it means becoming someone different,
going somewhere new,
believing in something great,
looking through anothers eyes,
feeling someone elses pain,
realizing you ARE wrong,
making it right,
and Knowing that EVERY DAY you WILL change....

you may feel you don't know how to change,
or maybe you don't even want to.
But i know that CHANGE
can be
GOOD :)
no i didn't say easy!
because most times it is SO VERY HARD.
I said GOOD!

now although it took me some time to realize this,
i do feel as though
i've known it all along!

Change for some may mean

pain.sorrow.loss.guilt.hunger.embarrassment.hurt.confusion. & heartache...

the list could go on FoReVeR it seems!

BUT
i have found another list.
one that can only be found AFTER and never before the previous list.
now i have asked and pleaded, pondered and prayed
as to why it must be in this order....
For me there is only one answer.
CHANGE.

upon experiencing the first list above we must learn to change
change how we think.
change how we see.
change how look, and feel and act.
Truly, we must change who we really are
and know that through this change we will become better!

I too have experienced the first list above.
Not like anyone of you have i'm sure
but to my own degree and knowledge.
I know many have gone through much more than i ever have or probably ever will
and some may think my lot is heavy...
But for each of us I do know that if we simply continue on
we will find this second list of Change!

Change is peace.
Change is strength.
Change is hope.
Change is passion.
Change is kind.
Change is good.
Change is LOVE!

Love from a kind and oh so perfect
Father in Heaven
who knows our every pain.
Knows our very hearts and loves us so much
he gives us ways to Change each and every day!

I am just beginning to taste of this second list,
but i do know the more i continue to change and grow.
The more i feel of his Love for me!

You can feel of it to.....
It's simple, just CHANGE :)