Bitter Sweetness.....

Do you ever have those moments
when you want to laugh, smile, jump up and down, cry, or just plain forget all together???
well i had one today....
just a few minutes ago actually.

My Dad brought home a few beds from her house...
and with these beds were the sheets, pillows, bedding, and all.

I held one of the pillows up to my face and soaked in THAT smell.
It was her smell.
It belonged to her.
It always did.
and i LOVED it......

i wanted to grab it!
to catch it in my hands and pull it all around me.
I wished it would stay forever and never leave my face....
but as i pulled it away, i knew it would

So many feelings washed over me.
Memories flooded my mind
both happy and sad

I miss her.

Everything about her.
I miss visiting her home.
It was the only place I have been able to go since as far back as I can remember
her home has been a part of my childhood...
somewhere so filled with memories
it would burst if it were a balloon.

But although her scent will fade from that pillow over time
her love filled memories will forever be vivid in my mind........

Her Spaghetti sauce that worsened over the years.
(but i still loved, because it was hers)

Her Hugs that sent tingles of warmth up my spine each and every time we embraced.

Her smile which could light up a room no matter how dark it was.

Her marble, domino, checker, and many card games that filled out nights together with laughter and love....

And even more so never will I forget the lives she has brought to pass

Her Son.
My dear Grandpa Jack.
Who has blessed my life in more ways than I could ever count.
He married the most beautiful woman in the world my Angel Grandma So-So,
and brought my sweet and most wonderfully amazing mother into this world.

How I will forever be grateful to her
and NEVER will i forget her.

And someday.............
I will see her again!

But until then
this smell on her pillow
is something
Bitter.
yet Sweet.

and if I had ONE wish,
I'd wish for it
to stay
FOREVER!