What does Christmas really mean?

Christmas to me

is a time of

LOVE.

A time to remember

and a time to give.

A time to cherish those dearest to us.

A time to remember that sweet and ever so loving baby Jesus

who entered this world so very long ago

that we may return to our father above someday

as families

forever.

May we always remember

him.

And keep him close

all throughout the year

for HE

is everywhere.

Even when we least expect to find him.

He is there.

When hearts are heavy and burdens bear down

He is there.

When sorrows are many and fear has set in

He is there.

When trials set in and we can't seem to go on....

HE is there!

He restores our hope,

strengthens our broken hearts,

renews our faith,

and causes Miracles to occur.

All we have to do is look

and we will surely find him.

He loves us.

He gave of himself for us.

And he will always be our Savior.

Merry Christmas!

May you always remember the TRUE meaning of Christmas

xoxo

Made it!

PHEW!

I think I can now say

that after

daily naps,

my mommas cookin,

sleeping in for a week,

and snuggles with Connor, Olivia, and Tyler

I have officially recovered from the madness and stress of Finals!

WOW

is all I can say :)

I truly feel so accomplished by just being able to say that I Made it!

There were so many times

when all I wanted to do was run home to my momma

and cry.

And well to say the least

there were some very long (yes, tearful)

phone conversations between my dear mother and I over the last few months

But truly and honestly

I wouldn't trade it for the World!

I've learned more about myself than I ever thought possible

and the relationships I have made will last forever.

It's been hard

(biggest UNDERstatement of the year)

BUT

being thousands of miles away from home,

living on my own,

enrolled in 16 college credits,

Golfing,

fulfilling designated driver duties,

having frosting/peanut butter fights,

pulling more all nighters in 1 week than I ever have in my entire life,

and gaining 6 new sisters,

has been one of the best experiences of my life.

And I cannot wait for the second half to Begin :)

BUT

for now

I am thoroughly enjoying a life at ease.

Days that consist of

D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S home cooked meals,

naps on a daily basis,

snuggle time with siblings,

my favorite christmas movies,

time with Dad,

time with Mom,

and anything else that may just pop up.

And you best believe I will soak up EVERY minute of it!

Giving Thanks.

So...

what do you know

this blog post is LATE.

:)

But hey better late than never right!?

RIGHT.

Well Thanksgiving this year was definitely one

that will always be remembered.

My sister Jacqueline

(who just had a baby that my family hadn't seen yet)

told my parents that they weren't going to make it home for thanksgiving

because Benj (her hubby) had to work yada, yada, yada.

WELL

they were supposed to be my ride home

Thus, I wouldn't be coming home either.

So for the 2 or 3 weeks leading up to Thanksgiving

I would reassuringly tell my parents

"No Mom, No Dad we still can't come."

Well let me tell you

this was one of THE hardest secrets I have ever had to keep

in my ENTIRE life!

and not to mention I almost slipped up a few times

but I didnt :)

So the sunday before Thanksgiving

Jacqueline, Benjamin, baby Mischa and I arrived home

for the big SURPRISE!

Benj had the genius idea to stick Mischa in her car seat,

set her on the doorstep, ring the doorbell, and hide!

So, we did just that!

We propped her up there all bundled up in her seat

rang the doorbell, and ran to hide behind the cars in the driveway.

Isaac (our 14 yr. old brother) answered the door.

Somewhat shocked to find a tiny baby sitting there

he looked around

turn on the front porch light, then decided he had better get Mom.

"Mooooooom, you better come here."

So of course my mom walks out, sees the baby, looks all around,

and starts FREAKING OUT.

"This is NOT funny you guys! This is not a JOKE!"

by this time she is yelling. I am laughing SOOO hard,

my sister is smacking me, telling me to stop.

So finally we decided we had better come out of hiding

or our dear mother would surely have a heart attack!

So we run out from our hiding place, and of course Mom starts crying,

Isaac is laughing, all the little kids start running out of the house,

Olivia (3 yr. old who thinks she is 21)

gets down on her knees and throws her hands up in the air

like she was celebrating a football touchdown!

She obviously has too many brothers right!?

Dad came out of his room all excited :)

it truly was a surprise to remember!

I spent the entire week just enjoying time with my family again

it was SO nice to just do whatever I wanted with them

considering my schedule at school is so hectic all day everyday!

AND not to mention I missed them all like crazy!

The hardest thing for me when I left home was leaving behind all the little ones.

The 4 youngest

seem to have a hard time understanding where I go for such a long period of time

and for the life of me I cannot even try to explain it

without crying my eyes out.

I guess that's how it goes when you are so attached to your siblings

but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Moving away has only given me a better understanding of family,

and helped me realize how very much I love mine!

if that is even possible.....

So I spent the week building forts, eating YUMMY food, watching old movies,

ballin it up with the entire Fotu crew on the b-ball court, eating

playing backyard football games, cooking with my Momma,

playing volleyball with the siblings and a few friends,

watched lots of good football with my Daddy'o,

learned a few things about my golf swing ;)

ate multiple feasts that my AMAZING mother prepared,

watch movies EVERY night until the wee hours of the next morning

AND had the best little snuggle buddies by my side each night.

OH and did I mention I ATE!?

Honestly, if I can learn to cook like my mother

I will be happy for the rest of my life.

Saturday, we blessed Baby Mischa at the Loser Home

it was a sweet experience

and she has been and continues to be a blessing to our entire family.

Sunday we awoke to a good foot of snow outside

I was sad because we had to leave that morning and there was no time to play in it :(

The chaos of all the Fotu household getting ready for church

reminded me of just how much I miss

EVERYTHING about my home and family.

I was so grateful to have spent the holiday with them.

If I have realized anything this year

it's that I have the most wonderful family in the world

and I thank my Heavenly Father daily for each and everyone of them.

Happy Holidays! Hope your enjoying yours :)

xoxo

Month #2

SOOO.....

I've been away from home now for approximately

TWO MONTHS!

Sometimes it feels like I got here yesterday

and other times it feels like I've been away for years!

Not to mention the CRAZINESS of my everyday life here

makes the days fly by.

I won't lie

I miss home more than aything in the world!

Having to grow up....

Well it down right STINKS!

I miss my Mom's AMAZING home cooked meals every night

and cuddling up to her in her big cozy bed

I miss my Dad's lectures,

about my golf game,

school,

my attitude,

and really life in general

no matter how long or boring they seemed while I was at home,

i MISS them,

Because I only get the mini version of them over the phone.

I miss my little munchkin siblings

their laughs, their smiles, and even their whining litte tantrums.

I now truly know the meaning of the words

" you don't know what you've got til it's gone...."

although they surely are not "gone"

being away from them has truly only made me love them more!

And i've come to realize how unbelievably lucky I am to have them.

NOW......

(sniffle) (enough tears!)

Although I do miss home terribly

I do LOVE it here!

I LOVE my teammates!!!

I LOVE my Coach!

I LOVE the tiny little house i live in :)

no matter how funny it smells somedays...

I've discovered a part of myself here

a part I'm sure could only be found by coming here

on my own

and learning

about

ME

who i am.

what i stand for.

who i rely on.

what i know.

and

what i don't.

Each day continues to be a battle.

Frustration and Heartbreak have come quite often.

BUT I've found my place :)

and I know this is where I am supposed to be.

I've also learned that;

Watching Oklahoma Football from the 7th row, is one of the greatest things EVER :)

that apparently I get a little excited before football games start!

what do you think?

and that English accents from this funny lady make me laugh WAY too hard! :)

That laundry forgotten in the washer for a day

does NOT smell like clean laundry!

That pasta has a 1 minute time span

between being perfectly cooked and over cooked.

That cleaning up after only myself

isn't much easier than cleaning up after 10 siblings....

tell me how that works!?

That no matter how many times you do it,

waking up at 5 a.m. NEVER becomes pleasant!

That shin splints halfway through a timed two mile run

are possibly THE worst thing EVER!

That when golfing in Oklahoma it is almost 99.7% positive

that it will be windy

BUT, the .3% days are ABSOLUTELY perfect :)

That listening to tired girls singing as loud as they possibly can,

with an i-pod in their ears

never gets old ;)

That holding my baby niece Mischa,

and kissing her chubby little cheeks is like a piece of heaven!

That Homework

doesn't go away, until you do it!

And most of all.....

That life is a never ending Adventure

Somedays we fall short,

somedays we hurt,

and somedays we just want to give up.

But tomorrow is always another day, and tomorrow

will always be better if we make it :)

xoxo

Me

I'm an AUNT!

Theres something about newborn babies.

The way they look.

The way they smell

and feel

and sleep.

When you hold them it's as if your holding a tiny piece of Heaven.

A piece of Heaven sent here just for you.

I've held many a little babies in my arms

and pondered just how very lucky I am to know them.

How loving and generous my Heavenly Father truly is.

And how well He knows me

I'm so grateful for him and the many, many blessings he sends my way

ESPECIALLY this newest one :)

Mischa Rae Loser

arrived September 8th 2010

weighing 7lbs. 13 oz. 20 inches long

and oh how VERY excited we are to have her here!

None more so than her loving and amazingly wonderful parents

Benj and Jacqueline.

Watching my Mother bring home new babies throughout my lifetime

has always been an awe to me.

Something precious and sacred, memories that I will treasure forever.

But being able to watch my older sister

bring a BEAUTIFUL new baby into this world

was something so wonderful

I know I will forever remember it.

Her strength and grace remind me very much of my own Mother.

And I admire both of them more than anyone in the world!

Not to mention

this little bundle of joy is just THE CUTEST thing ever :)

her beautiful brown eyes fill your heart to brim

and very nearly make you envious of her beauty!

I'm so very grateful for this sweet little angel

And the love she has brought into my life.

I'm so grateful for her Mother and Father

and the wonderful examples they are to me on a daily basis.

The love that they have for this little girl is abundant beyond measure and

only continues to grow with every second she is here!

Not that you can't tell by the look on her gleaming Daddys face right!? :)

We sure love her!

AND she already told me that I'm her favorite Aunt :)

what more could I ask for!?

xoxo

Selu Marie

LOVE you Daddy!

Ever since I was a little girl

Mom said I was just like you.

I pretended that I wasn't.

You are CRAZY ;)

and I used to think I wasn't.

But deep down inside

I've always loved being like you.

We butted heads.

and some nights i went to bed

promising my self i would never speak to you again.

But a plate of your home made french toast

and a warm hug the next morning

was all it took to make that all go away.

We yelled alot.

Sometimes in public.

Usually on the driving range...

But i never minded much

not even the funny looks we got ;)

You make jokes

that aren't funny!

But I laugh anyways,

because its funny that you think your so funny.

You always know just what to say to make me mad

but then again,

you also know exactly how to make things all better....

You know how to push me

to the point of exhaustion and anger.

But you also know when to stop.

when i need my space.

and when i need your smile.

You've given me strength beyond my own.

And taught me

to NEVER, EVER give up!

I don't know what I ever did to deserve a Dad like you!

But I do know,

I wouldnt have made it without you.

this song will always remind me of you........

and just so you know

Dad, I sure do Love You!!!

" Gotta hold on easy as I let you go,

gonna tell you how much i love you

though you think you already know......

I remember you looked like an angel wrapped in pink

so soft and warm.

You had me wrapped around your finger

since the day you were born.

Your beautiful baby from the outside in

chase your dreams

but always know the road that will lead you home again.

Go on take on this whole world,

but to me ya know you'll always be

My Little Girl!

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile

could melt my heart of stone.

I look at you've I've turned around and you've almost grown.

Sometimes your asleep I whisper "I Love You"

in the moonlight at your door.

As I walk away I hear you say, "Daddy Love you more!"

Your beautiful baby from the outside in

Chase your dreams but always know the road

that will lead you home again.

Go on take on this whole world

But to me you know you'll always be My Little Girl

.................

And I'll always be

Your Little Girl

xoxo

Missing You.

I miss you.

I miss our long talks.

Telling you all my troubles

letting them all out.

You always made it all better.

You never spoke a sour word about anyone

You never lost your temper with me

You never never agreed with me when I was wrong

(which was almost always)

You simply reminded me

to SMILE.

Smile

No matter what!

you would tell me :)

I argued.

I pushed you away.

I slammed doors.

I cried.

Realized you were right once again

and then came back to ask for forgiveness.

But never did I have to ask

because you were always waiting with open arms.

I miss embarrassing you in public

and pretending to be SPECIAL.

I miss grocery shopping with you.

Baking.

Taking walks.

Telling you my stories.

But most of all Mom

I miss your smile.

The smile that lights up my days and reminds me who I am.

Leaving Home was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I worry about you

and how you will get along without me.

BUT REALLY

I worry about me.

Because I don't know how I'll ever get along without you by my side.

Sure we can call and talk

Ill come home for holidays

and we'll go for our walks then.

But Mommy I just want you to know....

I Love You!

And I always will.

Your my hero

the person I look to be like each and everyday.

I miss you like crazy

But I do know that the distance between us

has only made me love you more

and never will that change!

I love you Momma

xoxo

Forever and Always

Selu Marie

The Beginning of My Oklahoma Adventure :)

Well I made it!

The drive was long.

The tears were many.

And my excitement level is on OVERLOAD!

Never in my life did I expect to move so far away from home.

And now

I know why....

First off

I miss my dear mothers cooking like a chubby kid misses cake!

I miss snuggling into Connors chubby little cheeks each day

I miss hearing Olivia laugh.

and Tyler cry.

I miss getting pushed around by all my LITTLE brothers.

I miss the mountains.

The dry heat.

and even Dad bugging me to go out and practice.

I miss it all!

The good and the bad

And Ive cried

SO many tears its a joke.

BUT GUESS WHAT?!?!?!

I love it here :)

My house is the cutest little thing!

My roommates/teammates

are AMAZING!

My coach

well he's a little crazy

But so is my Dad ;)

and i LOVE IT!

Sometimes I wonder why I am here.

Why I decided to come to this TINSY little town in Oklahoma...

But i do know I'm here for a reason.

Ive already learned SO MUCH in the short time that I have been here.

And I know I will only continue to learn more.

It's hard

being so far away from home.

and sometimes I just wanna pack up my bags and go back!

But each time I fall to my knees

a loving father in heaven so gently and tenderly

wraps his arms around me

and reminds me that I have a purpose here!

One that cannot be fulfilled at home.

I look forward to the future with excitement and hope

I cannot wait to see where this journey may take me

it's not going to be easy

But then again good things never are.

And that is why we live :)

To open our minds and hearts to new possibilities

new adventures

To go through out each and everyday

living each moment the best way possible.

Knowing that never are we perfect

never are we alone

and never, ever will our Father in Heaven leave us.

I know I'm on a new path

one that he has lead me to

and one that he will walk down with me.

And I will forever love him for that.

Love, Selu Marie xoxo

TiMe.

It's time.

Time to say goodbyes.

Time for tears.

Tears of Sadness and Love.

Tears that do not seem to stop.

As I crawled into my bed last night

my 4 yr old little brothers hands curled up around my face

He squeezed my cheeks

and sighed.

I love you SeWo

he says.

And the tears began to flow.

Reality has sunk in

and the bitter-sweet feeling of starting a new adventure

tugs at my heart strings with every beat.

Nervous.

Excited.

Scared.

Sad.

Thankful.

Thankful for the most wonderful Family in the WORLD!

The People who brighten my days

and make the darknes all go away.

I don't know what I will ever do without them

or how I will survive...

But somehow

I will.

Over the years I've realized

what matters.

where I feel at peace.

and who will never stop caring.

I know this new adventure

will provide me with opportunites I cannot even fathom.

That The Lord has heard my every prayer and pleading

and answered me, in the most sincere way...

It will be hard to say goodbye,

But It IS the start to a New Adventure

And I know it's where I am supposed to be.

Much Love,

xoxo

Im late. Im late. For a very important date!

Daddy.
I don't even know where to begin....
how do i even start?

..............
Happy Happy Fathers Day!
a few days late ;)
but it wouldn't be like me if it were on time, would it?

You mean more than the world to me
and truly I owe all that I am to you and my mother.

Ever since I was a little girl you have been there
at my side.
Guiding me and loving me
all along the way.

Never will I know
just why I am so lucky to have you as my father.
I guess God knew I would need all the help I could get
and that only the BEST would do.

And i thank him.
Each and everyday i thank him
from the bottom of my heart
and with every piece of my soul.

I thank him for
Your strength.
Your courage.
Your heart.
and Your eyes.

For in those eyes I have found my own strength.
Strength to go on.
Strength to overcome.
And strength to never ever give up.

Through you I have seen who I want to be
and who I strive to become.

Thank you for loving me beyond reason.
For guiding me down a path
that not many would take.
For putting up with my tears and tantrums.
And for letting me think I knew it all.....
For teaching me how to serve.
Showing me how to love.
And giving me all that i have.

You are my Hero
and always will be.

I love you more than you will ever know Dad
and I will forever be
Your Little Girl!

xoxo
Selu

A Happy be-lated Birthday Wish for YOU!

My Dearest Grandma
your precious smile has lingered in my head all day.

And I felt like a little girl again,
sitting,
closing my eyes,
and wishing for something with all my heart....

I wished that somehow
I could open my eyes
and your house would magically appear before me.
I wished I could bake you a cake
and hum you a birthday tune.
I wished I could cuddle up in your bed with you
and watch a scary movie.
Go for a walk along our favorite spots at the beach
and just be us :)

BUT
SuRpRiSe
it didn't work.

So
I laughed at myself
and figured a skype call and blog post would have to suffice.

Ever since I was a little girl
I knew you were
SPECIAL.
Someone I would love forever and ever.
and someone that would love me in return.

Throughout the years
your love has never faltered
your smile, never faded
your strength, never wavered
and your example
has never stopped shining.

Life has not been easy.
Trials and hardship have come.

But Oh how very blessed I feel
when I think of the love and compassion
my Father in heaven has sent me.
By sending me to you.

The memories
the smiles
the laughter
the tears
The moments of pure and ever lasting joy.
Joy that will stick with me throughout eternity.

Thank You for raising my mother.
For teaching her to love
and giving her strength beyond her own.

Thank You for raising my Aunt Kerstin.
For raising her to be
the wonderful and amazing woman that she is today.

Thank You for accepting my Father as your son.
For loving him beyond doubt
and never failing to show it.

Thank You for loving my Grandpa Jack
and showing me what it means to love
FOREVER and EVER.

Grandma
Thank you for your stories.
Your magic and your memories!

I hope your birthday was filled with Love
and that all your wishes come true :)

I love you more than anything in the world!
xoxoxo

Love Forever and Always,
Your Angel Girl
Selu

Here & Now

Sometimes
I feel lost.
Where am I going?
What am I doing?
and mostly
HOW?


But Tonight
I was reminded of something.

Something simple
yet something so sweet
it will truly last FOREVER......

I'm on a road.
One that I do not know.
Yet one that has been walked down before.

I do not have to pave the path
or even walk down it alone.

I've been given
guardian angels
all along the way.

Some are near
and some are far.

Some on earth
and some above.

But the one who knows me most of all.....
is right here
by my side.

And always will be.


All I have to do is look.

I hope you will too!

xoxo
Me